Edward S Gault

MEMO TO PROFESSOR GRAVITAS

 

Memo to: Professor Gravitas

From:      The Universe

 

Dear Professor,

It has come to our attention that

You have been giving the same lectures 

On physics for forty years.

We're tired of hearing them.

We're going to make some changes now.

The entropy staff has been getting bored,

So, from now on we're going to cause chaos 

In the spaces just cleaned and create order 

In the space where there is clutter.

Oh, and we're going to hide stuff more.

Good luck finding wallets, car keys, and money.

The staff thought this might be great fun.

Atoms have now unionized

Electrons are now on strike for better orbits.

Protons are demanding better hazard pay 

For being in the nucleus.

They are negotiating an arrangement 

In which they can trade places every month.

Folks in the Anti-matter world are getting tired

Of being the villains in your sci-fi novels and movies.

They are not evil, in fact, considering your long history,

You’re eviler than they are, - so knock it off.

Be respectful. Anti-matter, matters.

Time is getting tired of being stared at.

So, from now on, when you look at the time, 

It's just going to stop.

It will only operate when you look away, 

Then go at double speed. 

It may also want to loop back and re-do moments you goofed.

So, get ready to do serious time on those exams! Bvr

Light photons have said they don't care 

To travel in straight lines anymore.

Life is too short, and they wish to take more scenic routes.

The sun will rise and set when we choose.

So, be alert!

Sound is going to be re-organized,

Thunder is going to come before lightning.

Lightening will be following from now on.

So when you least expect it, expect it!

Also, light particles want to be paid too,

So, add that to your utility bill.

Blackholes are cutting back on their diets.

They are strictly vegan now, and consuming only photons.

Friction is going to start really getting on your case.

Step out of line, and you will feel it.

Sadly, the laws of thermodynamics have filed for divorce,

Citing irreconcilable differences.

The first law got the house.

The second law supports itself

With a podcast on "Embracing Disorder"

To pay alimony.

So, there you have it professor.

We will be looking forward to hearing your lectures

This semester,

Yours,

The Grand Imperial Particle.